The experience of Obsessive Compulsion Disorder

(This is again reprinted with permission from one of the friend I know, again it contain material not suitable for anyone has a faint heart.)
Talk about Obsession and Compulsion, none can have a clearer idea than what I have experience. I never see myself as someone out of ordinary. In a capitalistic society, the obsession with wealth and power is what defined us, these who wish to live a simple and peaceful life should never have lived in our society. They shouldn’t exist in the first place. This is our world, this world is all about money, wealth, material possession, power and sex.
I obsesses with different object at different stage of my psychological development, to put in a frenzy term. One of the most persistent urge of me is female young and old, I can’t live a day without thinking about them, looking at their picture(preferably naked or in act of greatest nature beauty). So when I was in High School, I obsess with a girl so I literally with her almost 24 hours a day. She is either physically present, emotionally and intellectually present in my mind. I talk to her, I write to her, I walk with her, I go everywhere with her for whole three months of our short but intense affair. If there is any attractiveness of my part in her, that must be my unexplainable obsession with her. When I date her; I smell her, touch her, taste her anywhere in every chance I got. Would I ever care about anything about the school given such an obsession with her?
When there is a time that we really at separate places, phone is such a magic tool that connect us together(It is fortunate that where I live is such a nice place that telephone company doesn’t charge by minute, otherwise I would have to own a telephone company to afford my own calls!). If not, then I can give myself some training of my English by writing her. Given I had done all three, I still have spare time to analyze her psychologically from all the Psychological theories I know of. Since she like Psychology, so I spent day and night read every books I can get my hands on about psychology. Within 3 months, I had completed all the reading necessary for the first year of University Psychology. She like tender bear, I spent all my money to buy anything what she want without a second of consideration (yet I save my cost by walking back and fro from my home to hers.) I almost empty my bank account by doing that. She is my life, she is my future and she will be my wife, so everything of mine will become hers. And I am no one but hers. My name is pointless unless in reference to her.
It is thus no surprise after I break-up with her, I went through the most severe Depression that any man can have. Because in my mind, I already emptied my own content and filled my heart with my obsession: Her. When she take away our relationship, it is no different from taking myself from me. What am I left of when I can no longer obsesses with what I am rightful to be obsess with? I maintain my obsession with her for whole 4 years of University, and never dated any girl despite their interest in me until last year. That is 13 years after I first meet her. It is not that I am no longer obsessive-compulsive about something, it is just that I switch my obsession to something more tangible: Success and money. Maybe some part of my mind is still thinking: If I am successful and rich, she would just come back to me one day!

The experience of a Narcissistic Person

(This is again reprinted with permission from one of the friend I know, again it contain material not suitable for anyone has a faint heart.)

Since I was born, I often has a vague feeling that I am someone of importance to the world. I am important and different from other ordinary folks, by definition, and it is natural for me to be the center of attention. I am intelligent, smart and knowledgeable. It is the world which is too stupid to understand me. If you look at how Nietzsche, Freud and Karl Marx fare; you know the world has an absolute intolerance for truly intelligent people.
When I was in Primary School I am clever than all my friends, I go to the best High School I can find because I am intelligent. While other children are still playing silly games, I already start reading, and I read more than any of my classmate. Yes, I don't talk to others much.
When I was in Secondary School, it is irritating to me of how rigid is the school system, I master Calculus in first year but I still have to learn how to do tax. I skip homework that I found too easy or simply stupid. I argue with my teacher on a better way to do Mathematics, I argue with my English teacher a better interpretation of the text s/he taught, and better usage of English. Since I like extra-circular activities so I joined 12 of them, despite the school limit is 4, I care not. When I went to the public library, they divide it into Adult section and Children section. What? I don't see myself as a children so I never went to the Children section of public library. Why should I? I certainly doesn't get good grades when I was battling with teachers all the time, it is just that they don't recognize my talent. They are not representative of my intellectual level. Nobody could understand me better than myself. Who is intelligent enough to know me?
Latter my argument and distaste with that ‘good’ school is so bad I switch to another school. There I was adore like genius of genius, which I spent most time doing something else other than studying. I am first in every subject I study. Although I am clever, but that does feel uncanny to me, my classmate are simply below the standard. They are not qualified to adore me or worship me. How can someone of level of Primary School English adoring someone who already write thesis in University level? No, my sense of proud wouldn't allow that to happen.
So I switch to a school with better academic standard, but my status doesn't change much. Those who graduate from my Primary school still see me as a star. Primarily because my English is excellent compare to them (because most Psychology text is in English). I am unhappy with my status in my class not as a center of attention, because other study-very-hard-get-good-grade students are there. How simple-minded is those students adore student with good grades but not when I am not studying while still get good grades? My thinking capability is way ahead of them which doesn't require any proof. Does any of them ever win me in any debate? These dummies’careful preparation would teared down by me like bullet through a paper. My innate capability is something they simply can't cope with.
In a year before the last year in the school, I start interest in school politics so I join the election of Student Government/Union. How is it so difficult to get myself elected? Our opponent may have credentials but they know little of skills of debate. I tear them like lion eating goat. To be the head of Student Government/Union is like the star of school, that is what I deserve. I know, unfortunately it is not about intelligence but popularity. Nevertheless, I can beat you in your own game. It is me who deserve to be a star. My interest turned into girls after being elected, so I doesn't remember much except I had few love affairs. Girls alway love man with strength and might, not loser.
There is not much happened during the University time, except I spend a lot of time reading books. I write thesis that my professor found impressive. It is at the level of graduate school while I am still a Freshman. I care not, it is me. I graduate with honor in Psychology, that is easy. Since all it take is just recognizing the real answers when doing examination, if you read the textbook then you can remember, even if you don't you can guess using the common sense. I am busy reading, again not the textbook I suppose to study. I felt sorry for wasting my last two years in things like politics and chasing girls, so I took all of notes from High School and study them until I understand. I need to verify by myself that I am a deserving person for every entitlement.
When I graduate I worked as Part-Time teachers, and switched between different schools. Well, when you are teachers, students are obligated to listen to you. You have power over them. And it is a duty for them to appreciate you for what you are. Moreover, my superior intelligence and knowledge would be well received by students. Because of the age difference, there is absolutely no possibility for them to beat me intellectually. I indeed get a few students worship me like God. I feel like I can use them for any purpose I like but I never did, Narcissistic as I do, I still need to make a living.
I am thinking to do something like actor, inventor or start my own business so I can be fully on my own. What do you think?