2008年6月22日 星期日

The experience of Paranoid Schizophrenia

(This is again reprinted with permission from one of the friend I know, again it contain material not suitable for anyone has a faint heart.)
My experience started when I just start my University, I go to there to study because I break-up with my girlfriend from my hometown. Although it is a few years ago but nevertheless I had an uneasy feeling because my girlfriend’s old boyfriend is member of the cult ‘Our God's Church(?)’, I see in the eye of him and fail to locate his soul. I instantaneously certain of his revenge, whatever how long and how much it cost. It is something we do agree on, except if I am in his place, I would kill my rivalry then run away with my girlfriend. This is the intensity of emotion that I had for the girl I plan to live with for my whole life.
The first thing that is uncanny to me happened when I am doing the registration of my classes in the semester, the registrar said I have to wait because someone is accessing my personal data from another computer. How could it be anyone except him who solely determined to ruin my life? It is because of me that his girlfriend now has someone in her mind, it would be experience so intense that no girl will ever forgot. Then I got my evidence when my University has overcharge me for the costs. It is fair to say the accounting of the University is a mess, so it is difficult to be ascertain if anything like that has happened.
After that incident, I got more and more curious incidents that I suspect the University is overcharging me. In my mind, it is all the fault of my ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend. I then buy a computer to keep a record of every activity of me as a proof if necessary. Every penny is accounted for, and I write complain letter to President of University to contest for every cents that I felt is overcharged. I suppose that give him no opportunity to do anything funny with my student account, then he will have no way to get back at me. I switched my name to a little known one so he can’t trace me through the computer network.
When come back to the hometown, I learned my lesson so I never use my real name to register for water, electricity, phone, mobile and Internet access. When I surf the Internet, I use Proxy and other software to cover my track. Moreover, I almost certainly never registered any account anywhere using any real information, never joined any forum except as anonymous. I read content from Internet and seldom respond at all. I never order any newspaper/magazine because it require a real address, I only read them in the public library in the State once a week. I am afraid that since I switch my name in the middle of my University years, he may already know my new name. Everything I do must be predictable to him since my ex-girlfriend is a turncoat. She is either my friend or enemy. And he is still after me.
My suspicion can never turn out to be wrong as I know of many friends who share the same fear as me do. One of my friend’s friend’s apartment has burnt down, because I hear that he is doing some energy research that would damage US government’s oil interest. Conspiracy is real and alive, just you never willing to believe anything other than that our world is rational, democratic and free. When you look at Hong Kong which one dictatorship run the place after another, you know what sense of freedom they have. Then when you look at whole scandals about the electronic voting, you know how easy and willing that our politicians would bend the rules for their favor. USA has the greatest percentage of lower income family in the so-called developed world, how can the US government keep this company profitable without using any conspiratorial technologies? I am not afflicted with Paranoid Schizophrenia, it is just all of you are too damn silly and stupid!

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